Marriage or Gambling

                                                                                                                                 

There is a very well known boy's school - "Ramkrishna Mission". Hundreds of students used to appear for its entrance examination for Std. 4,5 & 6. And the eligibility criteria for the examination used had to be weird - "Aspirants for each class had an upper height and weight limit failing which the aspirants wouldn't be admitted in the school."

What does "Being Independent" mean ?

Seriously, I have never pondered over such a thought until I met a long lost friend of mine. And when you run out of topics of discussions, many a times you end up getting into such random philosophical discussions. And this was one such times.

As per my dear friend, "Being Independent" is all about taking one's own decisions in life so that one shouldn't regret or blame someone else for whatever happens next. One should take one's own decisions and everyone else should just get to know the decisions with absolutely no power to repeal or modify the decisions. Besides, if the steps following the decision happens to be something not in tune with the expected behavior of a 'sensible' human being, then one would get to know only that part of the decisions/steps which is acceptable as well as appreciated. 

Sounds pretty cool !!! Reminds me of  a dialogue from a Bollywood movie "Om Shanti Om" - "I feel like the king of the world".

Yes, on the first go, the thought makes you feel good. However when you profoundly introspect, this thought of being independent makes you feel too self centered. And when I am saying self centered, it does seem I am jumping the gun. But, have I ? So before you reach to any conclusion about me, allow me to explain myself.

Let me start from  the very basic question - "Who am I ? What is that defines me ? Who defines me ? Is it my looks ( yeah yeah.. I know that I am not the bearer of a charismatic personality) ? or Is it my academic result ? or Is it my decently paying job ? All these things do not define me but my external self which is transitory and may not  matter in long run - " this shall also pass".

This is not me. I am someone who is defined by people around me. I know I am sounding abstract, But what I meant to say is that I am not the one who wouldn't care for people who care for me. I am not the one who would just do what I feel is right just for myself. I would rather move along with my near and dear ones than being move alone.

Over the course of my life, I have just earned one thing - "Friends". These friends have always been with me in some form or another - Mom, dad, sister, teachers, relatives, school-mates, college-mates, colleagues etc. And when I do something which directly impacts/is related to anyone of them, I would make sure that they are on my side in my decisions than just be mute spectators and followers.

Now this way, I ensure two things - Firstly, my "friends" never ever feel neglected and Secondly they are on my side in any decision which I take.

Some of you might argue that involving too many people might lead to "Analysis-Paralysis" and the decision might not the best one. Yes it does happen sometimes. But then, What's the fun in doing something when your own friends are not with you ?      

I tried further to understand my dear friend's thought process and urgency of having being independent. Circumstances and surroundings where one has grown might have an impact. On further prodding, I found that the family settings for both of us are different. My friend has grown in Joint Family setting and on the other hand, I have grown in Nuclear family setting. Since I have not grown in a joint family setting, the best I could conclude would be based on my assumptions of working of a joint family ( based on the knowledge gained over time through serials, movies and interactions with school friends who come from such a setting).

Now what I understand in joint family setting, a child reports to one's own parents but there is dotted line reporting to all the elder ones in the family. So when he/she needs to decide something, he/she must ensure that everyone should agree (which in many cases seems highly unlikely). Finding no one his/her side, the child ultimately decides to takes his/her own decisions and either informs the elders of the family or just keeps decisions to himself/herself.


Whereas in a Nuclear family setting, the child never has to convince anyone except his/her parents for anything. And this is really an easy job and the child ends up getting his/her wishes fulfilled in most of the cases. So there is never a need to take an independent decision or hide something from anyone and everyone is one family - Connected and United.                                                                                    

Some might not agree to my logic and reasoning as everyone has all the right to disagree and form/have his/her own opinions.

As far as I am concerned, I can summarize my thoughts in one line - "Jo bhi karenge...shaan se karenge"